Kevin Greene
Growing up, my family never attended church, so I had no prior interactions with the church or the Lord. I felt content with my life, but deep down, I felt empty. This emptiness led to struggles with identity, purpose, and meaning, causing insecurities I couldn’t explain or deal with. To cope with these insecurities I turned to pornography which eventually became an addiction that I could not shake. At age 15, I lost my closest and dearest friend, my grandfather, which led to me developing a fear of abandonment. From that point I completely gave up on trusting others as I believed I could do everything alone, which made it easy to disconnect emotionally from those around me. I needed to feel in control in every situation and kept others at a distance, only showing them what I wanted them to see. This really affected relationships because I possessed a careless and selfish attitude and I didn’t care who got hurt as long as it wasn’t me.
In my early twenties, the woman that I was dating at the time (who I eventually married 8 years later) invited me to church. I attended regularly with her and her family, but I felt like the seed that fell on the footpath in Matthew 13:19, in my thirties to early-forties, I identified with the seeds in Matthew 13:20-22, and the emptiness inside intensified. The things of this world consumed me, and my addiction to pornography continued to grow which led to the love I once had for my wife slipping away. I eventually replaced her with a desire for success, focusing all my efforts on work and coaching, which led me to stray from her and Christ. Three years ago, my life turned into chaos due to poor decisions, carelessness, and selfishness. I lost everything. The next two years, I walked around depressed, dealing with guilt and shame. But then, the Lord stepped in and turned my heart of stone into a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 11:19) once the LORD started to perform surgery on my heart the emptiness I once felt was replaced with wholeness and the love that I lost for my wife came back deeper than I could ever imagine. I was able to mend the scars that I have caused her and my children over the years but now I am attempting to rewrite that story by rededicating myself to the LORD giving him my all by striving to be like the seed that Jesus describes in Matthew 13:23.
The verses I stand on today are:
PSALM 40: 2-4
He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing. A hymn of praise to our GOD. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the LORD.
PSALM 51: 1-4
Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just.
My Name is Kevin and I have a new life in Christ.