Ciara May McGrath
Growing up I knew of Jesus, and I believed in God, but that was the extent of my spirituality. I didn’t really ever go to church or read the Bible until about 2 years ago, when I went to college. Within the first couple of days at school every single one of my exciting plans for my first semester fell through. I was frustrated, confused and very lonely. After having struggled all throughout high school with being insecure about the way I looked, struggling with disordered eating habits, seeking male validation for purpose, and just not knowing who I was, I was at the end of myself. One of the first nights I found myself praying to God for the first time in a long time, seeking His help. Within the next couple of weeks He provided Christian community that I would have never sought out on my own. As I was exposed to His presence more, I felt convicted of things I had done in the past and things I was actively doing. I started to repent of past and current sins every single night. After many prayers, I asked God “How many times do I have to say I’m sorry before I can be fully forgiven”. I thought that whether I would be forgiven was solely based on the quantity and quality of my act of repentance. A few days later, the Prodigal Son story was brought to my attention through random means, three times in one day. At the end of the day I decided to read it. Realizing God’s radical love for me in that moment brought me to tears. I realized that Jesus had died for my sins, for my prodigal living and that whether I was forgiven was not based on my act of repentance alone, but additionally and most importantly on God’s act of radical grace. I was finally home in God’s arms. This was the moment Jesus opened my eyes and saved me. However, it’s only been in the past year that God has truly revealed to me the weight of His sacrifice, through a hard season He not only taught me that He is always working for His glory and my good despite the way my circumstances appear, but more importantly that: I walk away from the goodness of God everyday, that each time I walk away from Him and His goodness, I bring disorder to the world, but that He loves me more than to leave me in that choice, that God brought Himself down in a vessel of flesh just like mine to model the life with God I was always intended to live, then He took on the punishment for the separation from Him that I choose daily, and covered me in His blood and identity so that through Him my purpose is satisfied. Today and forevermore, Jesus is not only my Savior, but He is the Lord of my life, I take on the identity He has given me and I choose to walk with God through the battles that will come in the future.