Good morning my name is Angela and for as long as I can remember, I struggled with deep self-hatred, loneliness, and feelings of worthlessness. Nothing was ever enough nor was I ever enough. My life felt empty. I felt empty. I struggled to understand my purpose or find peace within myself.
As a child, I was deeply involved in the Catholic Church. As I aged into adolescence, I began experiencing a profound loneliness I didn’t know how to navigate. My thoughts grew darker, and there were times when I genuinely felt the world might be better off without me.
Feeling uncomfortable, unaccepted, and inept to cope with these emotions, I turned to drugs and alcohol, beginning a long journey of self-sabotage, pain, and suffering. I was searching for something to fill the emptiness inside me, but the things I turned to only deepened the darkness.
There came a turning point in my adult life when God presented me with an opportunity to change. I had been given opportunities before that I failed to recognize or had chosen to walk away from. But this time was different. Something within me knew that this was God’s gift of grace. I struggled with feelings that I was undeserving of this opportunity because of the pain I had endured and the hurt I had caused others. Yet, despite my shame and uncertainty, I began to pray. I prayed daily, even when I didn’t fully understand who or what I was praying to. I knew I needed a Savior; I just didn’t understand what that truly meant yet.
So, I continued to pray, pursue sobriety, and seek truth. Over time, I began to recognize a quiet guidance leading me toward love, truth, calm, and peace. Today, I understand this as the work of the Holy Spirit. My faith became personal, my prayers became acts of surrender, and the Savior I once knew about became the Savior I came to know.
I reached a defining moment in my walk with the Lord last year and I knew it was time to fully surrender my will and my life to Him. After everything He had brought me through, I was ready to stop living on my own terms and place my life in His hands. Today, I can say with conviction that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, and I am nothing without Him. I believe He has saved me from my sin and brought me out of the chaos and obscurity that once consumed my life.
My past no longer has to define me, and the shame and self-hatred I once carried no longer determines my future. Psalm 34:18 says, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (NIV).
Now reflecting back I am able to realize that God has never left me no matter how broken or sinful I might have been. He was with me the whole time and HIS grace, mercy, and faithfulness to me cleared a path to find me here today. He met me in my brokenness and continued to lead me toward Him.
Today, I am still growing, still learning, and still being transformed. My story is not one of perfection but of grace. I didn’t come to Jesus because I had everything figured out. I came to Him because I knew I needed a Savior. And in seeking Him, I found the One who gave my life hope, peace, and purpose. I am forever grateful.